I don't know what it was that convinced me that everyone had it figured out but it was probably something like someone I don't even like getting married or having a second kid. That usually does it right?
So then I'm in the bathroom mad as all fucking hell at winter with the drops of water all over my body feeling like tiny planets passed the Heliopause and my beard looks like shit and there's toothpaste on my nose and it occurs to me I don't have it figured out. Like at all.
Student Loans, Graduate Degree in Progress, Dead End Job, no kids --not even the slightest compulsion to touch strangers' rotund stomachs or find any of their progeny "cute" --or whatever (babies look like frightened aliens).
Dripping and cold and mad or sad or something I wonder how I can get it all together which only makes me madder or sadder or something because it turns out I don't have a chewing-gum-wad-stuck-to-the-pavement-outside-of-the-Empire-State-Building's worth of an idea about how to get there. Also, what's the best font for a resume again?
But there is a happy ending. A happy lack of an ending rather.
I don't want to have it figured out. No one I am actually friends with does. No one I wish I was friends with does. The only folks who facebook about how figured out they are consider that inexplicably tied to income and things with expensive paint jobs or engraved clasps.
No.
No one my age has written their magnum opus or their Gravity's Rainbow or their Bound 2 or whatever. The people who eventually made it to those things never kicked off their shoes and said "done." They just kept working until the asshole with the sickle showed up and then we did the awful thing of deciding what was their best work after all of that. Shame.
Anyway, I'm not going anywhere and neither should you.
What is your idea of figured out?
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The answer is never Comic Sans. I dare you to do in Wingdings.
ReplyDeleteHaving it "figured out" is being able to reasonably know what you will be doing 5 or 10 years from now. Hell even 1 year from now would be more figured out than most people our age.
In its simplest form: contentment.
I don't aim for 'figured out' because that's boring, safe and ignorant. No one has it all figured out. My goal sounds cheesy but it's peace. If I feel at peace, or as Meghan posted above, content, with who I am or who I am becoming, that is the best place to be.
ReplyDeleteI think peace is the answer I most agree with but even that I don't have figured out. I like the confusion and the creativity of planlessness. What's obvious is that the people I know best song put stock in the conventional understanding and that is just the way I would have it!
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